I was particularly interested to read a story about Airth Castle near Falkirk, whose phantom dog lurks in a hallway and has a habit of biting people’s ankles. Believe me, I would soon sort him out. A fistful of needle-sharp claws in his nose, and he’d go whimpering off back to his grotto.
But the idea of haunting a stairway got me thinking. I love stairs myself, and there’s usually a lot of fun to be had on them: either a fir cone that needs to be followed headlong to the bottom (extra points for doing it in one leap), or a squeaky haggis that is well worth beating up, simply because he’s so annoying.
I’m therefore releasing this short trailer for my new movie entitled ‘Spectre – the Revenge of Blofeld’s Cat’, which sends an important message to all fluffy felines, everywhere. The moral of this tale is: don’t put up with any nonsense. (Also, if you wish to re-enact this at home, be careful not to get your head lodged in the banisters, as it can be both awkward and embarrassing).